Hilarious in Translation

The classes I work in are supposed to be bilingual. Usually, it’s English phrases and lots of Spanish, but the kids still learn I guess. Every teacher has a different style of English, but they are all very, very capable. For example, one teacher and I speak very well because he learned English in Chicago during university, his accent is like ours and he uses the North American words. On the other hand, another teacher who learned English in England has a lot of difficulty with my accent. Either way, we all communicate.

An excruciatingly difficult part of languages is idioms, which are expressions unique to a particular language. An idiom in English would be “I’ve had it up to here” to express frustration. So, many of the teachers I work with translate Spanish idioms directly to English. They are understandable, but not common. An example, when you call someone by name in Spanish, they say “tell me” (in Spanish). In English it’s understandable but not super common. Also, instead of responding to “how are you” with “I’m ok”, some people will say “I’m more or less”, which is a Spanish response. Or, when a little troll is being rude, I’ve heard “hey you, that is bad education!”

One “maestro” in particular is good with English, and his name is Jose Luis. In class on Tuesday with Jose Luis, I was busting a gut while the students were busting out confused expressions. When Jose Luis addresses his students in English, he raises his voice so everyone can hear. Every bilingual class starts with “I DO NOT SPEAK SPANISH ON [insert day of week here]!” When a student goes “teacher, teacher”, he responds “TELL ME!” And when it’s time for me to read/talk, he commands the little monsters to “SPREAD YOUR EARS”.

My all time favourite, is his translation for the verb “to be quiet.” When the gremlins are chatting amongst themselves during a lesson, he’ll pick out one of them and say, “WHY DON’T YOU SHUT UP?” or “HEY SHUT UP PLEASE!” In Spanish, it’s not a BFD for a teach to say shut up to a student. I suppose in most other cases it’s no biggie either, it just depends on tone.

For me, a great moment happened this same Tuesday. Going back to idioms, the kids don’t understand the phrase “make babies,” and we were discussing 3^rd world population. Jose Luis asked “WHY DOES DEVELOPING WORLD POPULATION INCREASE SO RAPIDLY?”

“[Insert blank faces here],” responded the trolls.

“WELL, IT IS BECAUSE THEY DO NOT HAVE PLAYSTATION 3 OR TELEVISION, ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS TO MAKE BABIES. AFTER A LONG DAY IN THE FIELDS, THE MAN COMES HOME TO NO PLAYSTATION 3 AND NO TV AND SAYS ‘HONEY I’M BORED, LETS MAKE A BABY.’ THE WIFE WHO IS ALSO BORED SAYS ‘YES, WE HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO’. THEY DO THIS EVERYDAY. SOON, THERE IS A HIGH POPULATION BECAUSE THERE IS NO TV OR PLAYSTATION 3.”

At this point I was dying in front of the whole class because his half-yelling and tone were too funny, not to mention the material. The students had no idea what he was saying except for “TV” and “PLAYSTATION”. And he continued.

“WHEN I COME HOME I HAVE TV AND PLAYSTATION 3. I DON’T HAVE TO MAKE BABIES ALL THE TIME, I CAN ENTERTAIN MYSELF. PEOPLE IN DEVELOPED COUNTRIES HAVE MORE THINGS TO DO EVERYDAY THAN JUST MAKE BABIES. THAT IS WHY THE POPULATION IS SO HIGH IN DEVELOPING COUNTRIES. THE ONLY ACTIVITY IS TO MAKE BABIES.”

Absolutely. Hysterical (at least for me).

This was followed by him and me laughing and the 13 year old kids curiously watching the situation. The lesson continued and when we needed to spark up the energy a little bit and have the kids be a little more active he proclaimed “I AM BORED OF SPEAKING, BUT I CAN’T MAKE BABIES HERE. SOMEONE VOLUNTEER TO WRITE THEIR ANSWER ON THE BOARD.”

Maybe you didn’t find this funny, or maybe you had to be there, but his voice, the blank expressions and the explanation for population explosion was absolutely priceless.

For you Lord Tweedsmuir people reading Josh Friend’s blog, he is a Mr Nebor or Mr Gemmell type figure within the school. Whether he’s annoying the shit outta them (Gemmell) or being Mr Popular (Nebor), kids are big fans. So many of my bilingual classes are so blah because the kids are a bit afraid to speak out loud, or material is a little bit difficult. I look forward to the unorthodox classes with Jose Luis because the kids relax more and you can actually get to know them, and he teaches well.

On a completely different note, my class of 12 year olds all call me “Josh Friend!”

Everyday it’s “Hola Josh Friend!”, or “Help me Josh Friend!”

PS – Unlike us, the kids call their teachers “Maestro” which means teacher, and nothing else. No name or last name. It’s like heaven for the guy from Seinfeld.

The Caves

The other day I went to a lunch that was (at least for me) a truly bizarre experience. I was told we were going for a rabbit lunch in a small town near El Alquian. The town is called Las Cuevas which means The Caves. I thought why would a town be called The Caves (and seriously, rabbit lunch?)? I soon found out that’s because it has many houses are built into caves that people still live in.

After school, I hopped into the car with Stefan and Jose Luis and we got off the highway and took a windy uphill road to a little village that was like something out of a movie. The village had a few windy, unnamed roads that passed by houses and cafes scattered in between a few cactus dotted hills. It looked to me as if there were no building regulations, a thought that was confirmed by Jose Luis. Because the village was so old, there was no point in changing anything now and back when it was settled, people built as they pleased. So I saw houses on top of the hills, dwellings in the hills (for the cave people), and houses along the winding/hilly roads that connected this jumbled development. Enough of that for now, on to the main event, the innocent little rabbit.

I’ve had Spanish food before, such as paella, tortilla, and tons of little tapas. But all of them were ingredients I’ve eaten before, just prepared differently. This was real encounter with traditional Spanish cooking. Before this, I’ve only ever seen rabbits on cool mornings working outside, not on my dinner plate. We ordered rounds of beer and then in what felt like no time the owners of the restaurant (which was not in a cave) brought these gargantuan bowls filled almost to the top. Think of your biggest salad bowl, then think of it filled almost to the brim with garlic, potatoes, rabbit, and olive oil. Then picture 11 people having to take on this monumental task.

Traditional rabbit is called conejo al ajo, which means garlic rabbit. The rabbit is cut and roasted in olive oil with whole garlic cloves, sliced potatoes, and if it’s possible, more olive oil (I miss butter). The result is very flavourful meat with a hint of garlic. The rabbit was a bit gamey, but not too bitter, and a lot more tender than I had expected. All in all, it was easily the best and biggest lunch I’ve had since I got here.

Now back to the village known as The Caves. It appeared no one lived there, but for those who did, I couldn’t imagine it was an easy life. I figure it’s a mixture of constant walking/driving narrow, hilly, and windy roads, being far away from day-to-day necessities and conveniences, and surely having to travel far distances to work or school.

I still can’t get over the cave dwellings. How big could it possibly be? I didn’t go to a front door to knock and investigate, but I should have. Are the walls made of stone? Does everyone’s voice echo all the time? How does one acquire a cave house? All questions that rolled through my mind.

All in all, the only way to describe Las Cuevas is picturesque. It’s steep desert hills, covered in cactuses and brush, and windy roads that go according to the land, not according to a developer. It’s houses of all shapes, sizes, and colours that are in the hills or on them. It’s a glimpse of old Spain before the modern times. It’s nothing I have ever seen before.

My place in Almeria

Finally, I've given my head a shake and taken pictures of my place so you guys can see where I live. You might say this is my first "phlog". It's photos from the apartment I share with Francisco and Antonio.

Our messy and tiny kitchen

The entry

The living room

The living/dining room

My new wheels

Our street

Our view to the left

Our balcony

Antonio's room

Our bathroom

Fran's room

My Room

Soon I'll put up some pictures of the city and of my school. I'm pretty happy with the flat, the only problem is that our tiny little kitchen gets used a lot between the three of us, and it gets really messy after one meal's worth of dishes, it's such a pain. But otherwise, it's a pretty sweet place!

What do I do at work?

This week has been my first full "workweek" since arriving in Almeria. I've assisted in lessons and given lessons. I've made mistakes, had minor successes and learned quite a bit about myself, and my students.

My kryptonite while giving lessons has been - my mom's gonna love this - that I talk too fast and do not pronounce words I don't deem worthy of properly saying. This terrible teaching style (which only lasted for one day) caused the kids to struggle to understand my accent, not understand my lesson, and look at me like I had 3 freakin' heads. Now when I give a lesson I feel like the old uncle in Christmas Vacation, "GRAAAACE... THEE BLEEESSSSING" (that's how I type proper volume and pronunciation needed for teaching).

As for a minor successes, I'm starting to build rapport with the kids. I still have no idea anyone's name, I think I see somewhere around 60-70 kids a week. Some classes, I simply help kids read/practice speaking, and assist the teacher with classwork. Other days, I give full lessons in simple English. Those days, the kids have to listen to and read the material, then volunteer to read it aloud to practise their accent, then do a basic activity. They're generally too shy for their own good when it comes to speaking. When I review their answers to questions on paper, it's usually very good, but not all of them care enough/like to read out loud.

A sweet part of my job is something called "conversation hours". It's where you more or less throw lesson plans out of the window and meet with people or a class and just practice speaking . I have two of them with teachers, and one with a class. Today, for instance, Me and a teacher Jose Luis went to a bar super close to school and had beers and ate tapas and just talked about whatever we wanted. Jose Luis is a social studies teacher who speaks English very well, but wants to improve because being a bilingual teacher in Spain greatly helps your job prospects. I got paid to do it, he paid for the drinks, all in all a pretty sweet deal!

I've also picked up a couple tutoring jobs on the side for extra cash. The government down here isn't going to pay us until mid-November. There's not much urgency down here, Andalusia is like hell for impatient people such as myself. There's a great laid-back attitude of "we'll do it tomorrow, no big deal" down here. However, when one has to open a bank account, get a residence card and extend their student visa, it's a pain to have to wait! I want it done today, but it just doesn't happen like that around here.

Almeria and the Livin's Easy

My placement for my new job teaching English sent me to Almeria, Spain. Almeria is in Andalucia, mainland Spain's southern region renowned for tapas, bullfights, flamenco, and sun. Almeria itself is on the southeast corner of the Iberian Peninsula, and it happens to be Europe's only official desert.

This means that it's October 11th and it was 25 degrees and sunny today here. It's still beach weather! It was still low 30s last week and sunny. Another plus of the scenery around here (at least for BC people) is that the surrounding hills have the exact same colour as the Okanagan, which provide some pseudo-sense of home. The beaches are guarded by a palm-lined promenade and it's windy constantly. Coming from Vancouver, I feel like I've climate-died, skipped "temperate rainforest" purgatory, and gone to weather heaven.

Now, my job title is "Auxiliar en Conversacion", which translates to "Awesome Teacher"... or conversation assistant, you pick which one. I work at a high school called IES El Alquian, which is about 15 minutes from Almeria by car, about 45 by bus [I didn't public transit-die and go to transport heaven, but hey, the weather still rocks]. El Alquian itself is actually a small village on the outskirts of Almeria of somewhere around 2,000 people I believe. Most of the students come from small pueblos located in the near countryside that is littered with greenhouses. IES El Alquian has about 500 students and somewhere around 30-40 staff members.

It's a bilingual school, so my job has me teaching more than English class in English. I work with 5 teachers, and help teach social studies, English, biology and workshop. I teach kids ranging 12-17 in age. Some classes have an open hour of casual conversation, while some have English lessons on Canadian-relevant subjects. Here, people are not used to Canadian people or our accent, which I'm told is not easy to understand!

Back to Almeria, it's a very laid-back comfortable place to be. It makes it easier to acclimatize when one has not only moved out from home, one has moved out to another continent. Here, a 2 hour siesta still holds precedent over the city every afternoon. People are in no rush, and everyone I've dealt with has been very friendly. Contrary to home, I haven't seen: a person in a suit, a person speedwalking along the sidewalk, a person carrying takeout breakfast or a to-go paper cup in the morning. Everyone seems to enjoy meals in a timely fashion, and they'll get to their destination when they get to their destination (holiday mode all year round).

Shortly after arriving, my friend Sergio from school, who was tremendously helpful upon my arrival, helped me find accommodation. I stayed a few nights in the youth hostel, then one day at the beach, Sergio and I collided and he said "I got the perfect place for you."

Right now I'm writing this entry from said perfect place. I'm in a neighbourhood (barrio) of Almeria called "Zapillo". It's a mainly residential area along the city's main beach and is dominated by ma and pa cafes, restaurants, and tapas bars. As long as you buy a drink around here, your food is included in the drink's price, it's fantastic. You can sample fantastic Spanish cuisine and lots of, a sleeve of good beer is only 2.50 Canadian. Anyways, My place is a 3 bedroom apartment, with a spacious living room, dining room and kitchen, and it was fully furnished. I have 2 Spanish roommates, Francisco (Fran) and Antonio (Niko), who go to the University of Almeria.

Our view's not too bad, either...

Madrid: The General Strike

Before I get into writing about my time in Spain, I have to thank everyone who helped me out before leaving, and came out to the going away party, or just made time to hang out before I left for 8 months. It’s a blessing to know I had supportive friends and family at home! Also, thanks to the generous going away gifts from everyone at the party, in one way or another they have come in handy! Also, getting time on the internet has been nothing short of a pain in the ass, so that’s why it’s taken so long to get this show on the road. But now I’ll plunge into the blogosphere by describing how the Spain general strike (“huelga general”) affected my travels.

I landed in Madrid Tuesday and then breezed through customs, picked up my god-awful luggage and took a cab into the city centre. The cabbie turned off the main drag on to a street about 10 feet wide and continued at a speed only a Madrileno cabbie can achieve on the narrow track. Shortly after, I arrived at my hostel. I entered a building with a brand new elevator and about an 800 year old wooden staircase. I chose the elevator. Then I checked into my hostel, and quickly turned on the news to see all the hubbub about the Spain general strike.

On the screen helpful graphics came along with the rapid Spanish that stated Metro trains were reducing 30% of their output, buses were somewhere around 50-40%,. Flights were a bit different – international flights were to be reduced by 40% and domestic flights were reduced by 10%. I thought, pfft, these sorts of things never affect me! I got a 9/10 chance for smooth sailing!

But kinda like the guy from Dumb and Dumber, the strike still had a chance... To cancel my flight that is.

I arose early to make by 9:30 am flight, 6 a.m. to be precise. A cabbie picked me up as arranged. Prior to going outside, the early news showed clashes between police and red-clad demonstrators at the city bus depot (like the TransLink bus parking lots at home). The news showed disgruntled marchers on Gran Via, one of Madrid’s main causeways. By the time I left there was nothing bothering traffic.

I got to Barajas (Madrid’s airport) very early for my domestic flight, 2.5 hours early. I noticed in my terminal my flight was not posted on the screens. At information I asked the fella what was up and he said, “Not to worry, it’s there man, this is the right terminal.”

This should have relieved me, but the guy was so freakin’ casual it bothered me. Finally, after using the public internet in Barajas, I couldn’t find any information about the strike affecting my flight. Well, I guess the muchacho updating flight information went on strike too. Unknowingly, I went to check my bags, and finally the straight-shooting non-striking Air Iberia lady told me all flights to Almeria were cancelled in the strike. So one 30 euro cab ride, one unhelpful concierge, one brutal website and a lot of confusion, I was yet again having troubles at a European airport (Frankfurt was a nightmare, too).

This time, however, I stored my bags overnight and took the metro back into town. After exiting the metro downtown, there was an unmistakable mark left by a strike: no sanitation services. The streets were filthy and parts smelled awful because it’s still 30 degrees and sunny in Spain. There was garbage all over the sidewalks and side streets. I’m not talking layers upon layers, but still, it was terrible. There were also die-hard red t-shirt wearing demonstrators patrolling the streets waving signs and singing and all the usual nonsense that comes with protesting actions already made by the government. It’s like arguing with the ref in sports, he’s not changing his mind! There’s no challenge flag to throw to have the government re-examine their choices.

Later that evening in Madrid’s freshly graffiti’d Plaza Mayor there was a huge demonstration where people were waving Franco-era flags and selling socialist literature, undoubtedly because they were against the austerity measures recently taken by the Spanish government about wages, pensions, and retirement ages, etc. So a sea of red was surrounded by a sea black, as black armoured cars and black-uniformed Guardia Civil monitored the tense scene. Brave passersby said things like, “fuck you assholes”, and “you pieces of shit” as they kept walking away from the cops, who I’m pretty sure aren’t happy about the wage cuts either. However, the demonstration was pretty peaceful as the police allowed the public it’s right to protest and the majority of people were very peaceful.

Anyways, that was the first city-wide strike with big protests I had ever seen, and it was pretty interesting overall. I got a “huelga general” t-shirt, and by Thursday public services were back and it was as if nothing happened...

PS - I did not see: any protestors damage anyone else’s property (aka a store), any pathetic excuses for humans covering their faces and wreaking havoc (G20, anyone?), or any smashed in store windows or things of that nature.